Life as a Junior Doctor

Working in this field has taught me alot about life. One of it is life is very fragile and unpredictable.

Almost everyday or not every other day, I see life seeping out of patients from predictable to unpredictable ones. After pronouncing more than 30+ deaths to family members, I thought this would have made me a tad bit heartless.

Last week, I received a phone call from my sister in the middle of the day while I was busy working. Thinking it was odd for her to call me, I picked up the call. In a very sad tone, she informed me that our paternal grandmother has left us. At that moment itself, I actually felt numb. It felt like another death being pronounced. As I was unable to attend the funeral due to work schedules, I felt guilty but I prayed for her to have a safe journey to the other side.

That night itself, I offered my last respects to my grandmother via videocall. The moment I saw her face, I burst into tears. (Nopes, this job has not made me anymore resilient to all these emotions.) I might not be very close to my grandmother but seeing her for the last time really tugged on my heartstrings. She was very fit and well the last time I saw her (maybe around a year ago?). I wished for her to be at a better place now, away from all the negativity that she was facing in these recent months. 

So people always say that doctors are heartless which I do not think its true. We might pronounced deaths with a pokerface but that is just to maintain our professionalism. A little bit of us still dies inside everytime we face a death especially if its someone dear to us.

Therefore, take care of all your friends that are having a hard time (whether they are doctors or not). Mental health is still a taboo in society nowadays. But it is up to us, to change this perspective :) 

Lastly, always appreciate those around you while they are still beside you so you would not have any regrets when they are gone someday! 

Today marks the last day of my Surgical posting. It has been alot of back alley interrogation and body excrement handling.

Through these 4 months, I have been through loads of ups and downs. From being the chillest posting to one of the hectiest due to lack of manpower. From handling 2-3 patients to handling a whole lot of 25-30 patients alone.

 So how's surgical overall? For a person that enjoys hands-on and fast results, surgical has been fun. Although I did not managed to do any open appendicectomies (did not encounter them during my last month as EMOT HO) but at least I've managed to do a saucerisation of a back carbuncle. I have enjoyed the last month of this posting more although we were working like we are in medical because my new medical officers has been very helpful (some of them were my senior HOs during my first month of work). Just when we are about to get used to things, then it's time to change postings (damn! 😅)

One of the few things I have learnt after transitioning from a student to an actual doctor: Work smart AND hard. There will be days that you will feel like breaking down and giving up but always remember why you started this. A senior once told me that if you have not cried even once during housemanship then you are not a houseman because that is the purpose of these 2 years: to break down your walls and make you rebuild them with thicker materials.

2 days ago, a new batch of housemans started work. It did make me think that I was in their shoes just about 4 months ago. How time flies~ (although it felt like a year or so). I do pity them for coming in during this messy period with the lack of seniors to teach but that is life. No more medical school style where people can repeat a few times until you understand. It's "see one, do one" style. It's a field that sometimes scolding does make you remember things better so please bear with it. You might feel very wronged at times but before that, make sure you have tried your best. If you had done so, then there is nothing you can change but at least, you know there is nothing more you could have done for the patient but you didn't.

I hope my words would be able to enlight some of you and make you bear through these 2 weeks of dreadful tagging. Just keep trying! We are too young to give up and blame the world at this age!

I will be starting my medical posting tomorrow. So I will be going through 2 weeks of tagging again as well. ALL THE BEST TO ALL OF US!

Photo by Karl Fredrickson on Unsplash

Entering the working world is probably the most challenging phase of life ( at least it's mine for now). I have been working as a junior doctor in Malaysia for about a month. Honestly speaking, things are neither easy nor going smoothly all the time. There are a lot of things that I need to catch up on while working in a totally new environment. At times, it can be quite stressful but for the rest of the time things do calm down a little. Below are the 5 things that I have learnt from entering the workforce.

After 5 long years in medical school, I finally graduate with a title in front of my name. As cool and impressive as it sounds, the title weighs as much as the responsibility that sits upon my shoulders.

My grandparents love going 'round the morning market and gleefully boast to their grey-haired friends about the existence of a doctor in the family. Like finally. None of their children ended up in the medical field, so I guess it is perfectly understandable that they take pride in the two letters in front of my name. I never really gave it much thought since it does not bother me as I am not there when they do it.

"Sorry, but I am still a medical student"

Soon, family gatherings end up becoming small consultations; asking about this small nagging headache that they have; telling me about how frequent they visit the toilet; showing me this patch of dry, itchy skin on the shin; or even asking me if their children are developing like how the other kids are. Making small conversations about simple health matters are one thing, but asking for medical advice definitely brings it to another level. I would usually use the excuse "Sorry but I am still a medical student" as I fear that I would give a wrong opinion and lead them down the wrong way. Those round the dinner table would just laugh it off and I do get off pretty easily with that.

Now, with a medical certificate in hand, my go-to excuse has clearly passed its expiry date. The words coming out from my mouth are now believed to be somewhat "more reliable" although I still doubt it most of the time. I now have to be responsible for the things I say and do. This is part of adulting that I have to face.

Do I love the title? Hell yeah! I've worked my ass off for this. But I definitely miss the carefree grey-zone during my clinical years where I could go around giving small tiny weeny medical advices without worrying much about the consequences when I start of the conversations with "Well....I could offer you some advice as a medical student."

What is success?